Happy Valley Euphemisms

   I really enjoyed the movie "Raising Arizona".  The subject matter wasn't all that comical, (child stealing), but the movie was nevertheless amusing.  In the "Welcome Home, Son" scene, H.I. McDonough, (the child- stealing protagonist), is holding young Nathan, Jr. forward, (his arms extended), giving the Arizona Quint a panoramic (but stationary) tour of their trailer home.

   As best as I can recall, he says to the kid, "Now, that there is the kitchen where your Momma fixes our dinner ... (pivot) ... and this here is the dee-van for sittin' on to watch TV, (only one hour a day, so you don't miss out on the finer things) ... (pivot) ... etc. etc."  It's something like that, anyway.  Well, he's handling the kid a little too roughly to suit Edwina (Ed), his "barren" wife.  So she says to H.I., "Be sure to mind his little fountainelle, Honey" -- (Not wanting the child to be injured, I guess).

   At the time, I remember thinking, "What a cute pet name for the kids jigger"!   I imagine that most parents have euphemisms that they use to designate the more delicate parts of their children's anatomy.  And I suppose "fountainelle" is as good as any, (and better than most).

   Gayle and Neville, the clumsy-yet-loveable Arizona State Prison escapees and wannabee Dads who attempt to re-steal the child from the original child-stealers, claimed to be using code names, (similar to euphemisms), when they robbed the Farmers' Bank.  After absentmindedly calling Gayle, "Gayle" in front of the tellers, Neville announces, "We're using code names, ya hear that?  Code names."

   On Seinfeld, Mr. Bookman, the Library Cop, calls human nether parts "Pee-pees and Wee-wees".  How devoid of imagination is that?  Larry David, I'm disappointed in you!

   I recall, half a century ago, that the Herman Family, (our next door neighbors in the projects), didn't have euphemisms.  They called a spade a "spade", (using real-life dictionary words -- accurate ones).  And poor little Chucky suffered dearly for it.  The neighborhood kids would taunt him, shouting things like, "Don't fall out of that tree, Chucky.  You might hurt your PEA-NUTS".  Kids can be sooo cruel!

   It  gets worse!  Way back when, if you asked my Aunt Harriet if she wanted milk in her tea, she'd say, "Just a jigger".  "Oh my gosh, did  you hear that?", we kids would giggle.  "Aunt Harriet wants a jigger of milk in her tea.  Yuck!  Gross!"  Mom would give us a disapproving glance, but I'll bet that even she thought it was funny.

   Some day, when I know you better, I'll explain to you about "bugs" and "tension".

Note:  I recently learned that a "fontanel" is that vulnerable soft spot on the top of a newborn's head.  Boy, was I way off base!